So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
