so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
