Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
