Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
