i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
