i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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