you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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