you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
