so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
