this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
