he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
