Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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