i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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