we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
