i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
