I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
