had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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