...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
