so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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