sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
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just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
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if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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