Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Pooping to opera.
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