I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
