Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Houston, we have a squirter
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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