I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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