He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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