So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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