I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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