is your mom at the bar?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
