matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
