apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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