apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
