You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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