in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's no shave November. This is our time.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
