So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
sarcasm needs its own font
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
