You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
