Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
