When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
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Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
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Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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