yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
