yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
