Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
