ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
