thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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