PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
