We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
