wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
