I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
