The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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