there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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