I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
