meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
