I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
