Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
