but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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