One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
