What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
