i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
