I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
