Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
