Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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