it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
