i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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