'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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