areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
