Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
