Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
