so let's talk penis.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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