If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
