and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
