you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
