Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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