I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
